Not many people at the non descript pub in central Delhi noticed the old sardar sitting in the corner and quietly sipping some Italian wine. But this correspondent with a keen eye for detail recognized him instantly and went up to him to have a conversation. He was none other than Dr Manmohan Singh, the Prime Minister of our country.
“Good Evening sir, may I join you.”
[silence] (Confirmation that it is indeed Dr Singh.)
“Sir, what are you doing sitting here alone in this place without any of your security detail or party colleagues? Is something wrong?” [silence again]
I had to try a different tack.
“Sir, what do you have to say about the latest scam that has hit your party?”
At the word scam Dr Singh automatically sat upright and noticed me. In a voice sounding more like a recording, he broke his silence. “I was not aware of what was going on. I am not involved in any way. There is no need for me to resign.”
“Sir, I do not want you to resign. Can we just talk for sometime?”
“You don’t!! Well then, okay. Sit down.”
“But what about your security detail? How did you manage to evade them and come here?”
“Oh, that’s easier than you think. All I had to do was smile at them on the way out. They instantly thought it was some nephew of mine and let me leave. They haven’t seen me smile for 9 years you know. Even the auto driver was getting suspicious but I simply started talking to him. Even he knows that the PM of India doesn’t speak.”
“But won’t they question you when you get back?”
Dr Singh actually had a smirk on his face.
“Son, you underestimate me. Let them question. I will just keep silent. I might even tell them ‘I was not aware of what was going on. I am not involved in any way. There is no need for me to resign.’”
“But Sir…”
“Don’t worry young man. I barely recognize myself when I speak. Leave alone anyone else”
“But what are you doing here sir?”
“Oh I needed a quite place to ponder over some matters of grave importance.”
“The state of the country?”
“No, something more important. I was considering my employment options next year when I am dismissed from my current job. Surely you don’t think the Congress has any work for me when out of power?”
“No, but why don’t you retire and spend time relaxing at home?”
“What do you think I have been doing for nine years! A sardar gets bored being silent.”
“But sir, you are an eminent economist. You are supposed to have the best CV in India.”
“Yeah, but every employer will give maximum weightage to the last job. Even Einstein won’t be able to justify that. There are just no jobs matching my skill sets anymore. What a waste of all that studying and research. In fact, you know I googled my name just to check. The fact that I am an economist appears on the 13th page. I almost cried.”
“But surely there will be lots of options for you.”
“Where are the options? Even Big Boss refuses to have me on their show. Serials refuse to give me a role even though I can waste years for them. My agent tells me advertisers want moving actors and not posters anymore. The silent monks of Thailand, the ones in the Hangover movie did invite me, but they expect me to shave my hair.”
“Why don’t you start something on your own?”
“Oh I have exhausted all my ideas teaching that good for nothing Robert Vadra how to make money. I did think of buying an IPL team, but then my contract with the Congress does not allow me to invest my money back in India. Football is too violent for me, or else there were a few Italian football teams up for sale. In fact the best offer I got was from the Indian Association of the Deaf-Mute as president and CEO but when I asked about the money they refused to hear or speak.”
“But sir, you do have a lot of money.”
“Did you just say money? I repeat ‘I was not aware of what was going on. I am not involved in any way. There is no need for me to resign.’”
“That is okay sir. It has been a pleasure talking to you. I hope we will meet again the same way. By the way, do you mind if I publish
this conversation.”
Dr Singh guffaws loudly. He is genuinely laughing now.
“Son, go ahead and publish all you want. Nobody will believe I spoke so much and for so long. If anyone does care, I will just tell them that ‘I was not aware of what was going on. I am not involved in any way.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Monday, May 6, 2013
Gayle to retire from IPL, to enter Indian politics.
In an exclusive interview with me at the Kingfisher Club, Bangalore, Chris Gayle made the shocking announcement that he is going to retire from the RCB with immediate effect and join the Congress party. Mr Gayle was completely lucid and even counted till 180 in multiples of 6 to prove the point.
True to his newly found calling, Mr Gayle patiently replied to every question I could come up with.
Why this sudden decision and what are the reasons for it?
Mr Gayle: This decision is by no means sudden. I have been pondering over it for a month now. It has been occupying my mind every time I hit a ball in the air and it takes ages to come back down. So I have had a lot of time to think about it for the last one week. Politics looks to me a natural career progression for someone in India who is famous. Though Bollywood was tempting, even John Abraham these days is trying to learn how to cry. Which is impossible for me. So I chose politics. Politics will provide me the adulation, the money and most importantly give me something to laugh about every night when I come back home.
But why now?
Mr Gayle: Seeing the number of seats a political rally in Bangalore can fill and the number of seats I can fill at the Chinnaswami, I believe this was the right time to join the fray. I believe I can save the Congress who is trying its best to lose from a winning position here in Karnataka. Maybe my only chance of a victory in the next few years. I had to seize the moment.
And also that young creep Virat was getting on my nerves. Before he pisses me off too much by swearing at me and I lose my Indian fan base by banging up the future Indian captain, I felt it was time to move on.
But why the Congress?
Mr Gayle: Once one has chosen a career path, the next important thing is find the right employer. For a beginner in this field, the Congress policy of a complete lack of policy seems the easiest way to begin. Also the pressure of performance is non existent, even frowned upon. After having to single handedly carry a team and its overweight boss on my broad shoulders, it is a welcome relief.
But what about the Modi phenomenon?
Mr Gayle: As I was saying, by joining the Congress I am under no pressure to go head to head with a leader of that stature. They have Rahul for that. That is, unless they decide to get rid of Mr Vadra and I change my name to Mr Gayle Gandhi. I can easily remain happy making the odd thousand crores here and there while Mr Modi tries to change the country.
How do you think you will manage working under Rahul Gandhi?
Mr Gayle: I believe taking orders from Siddharth Mallya for four years is sufficient experience to tackle the Gandhi scion. Also he had a Columbian girlfriend. I can relate to that.
But what will you do if you lose the next election?
Mr Gayle: Oh I believe I can keep myself occupied by being the official bouncer for the opposition in parliament. It would be just as interesting as hitting Indian medium pacers out of the Chinnaswami. Also I could use my accent to good use as an official spokesperson. They are not supposed to be understood, I believe.
Mr Gayle, where do you see yourself ten years down the line?
Mr Gayle: That is the beauty of the Congress party and another reason why I chose them. Depending on one’s likes and dislikes, there is a role for everyone in the Congress. If I choose to shoot my mouth off, I could be the foreign or the law minister. If I want to be clever and make some good money, I could end up as the finance or telecom minister. If I can stay silent and show no emotion at all, I could be the prime minister of India in no time. The opportunities are endless. Even if I do absolutely nothing, I am at least sure to end up as a Governor or maybe even the President. What else can one ask for?
So, do you not see any loss in this decision you have taken?
Mr Gayle: You mean, the booze, the cheerleaders, and Priyanka Chopra? I think I will manage. Booze and cheergirls I heard are part of politics too these days. As for Priyanka, in true Indian spirit, I intend to keep my personal life personal.
Thank you, Mr Gayle, for being so forthcoming. I am sure the Indian public is looking forward to Chris Gayle, the politician.
Mr Gayle: Cheers!
After such an enlightening interview, Chris Gayle left no doubt that he had taken a very logical and well thought out decision. If only we had more people like him coming forward to lead our country, our country could still save itself from the political bedlam that we have today.
True to his newly found calling, Mr Gayle patiently replied to every question I could come up with.
Why this sudden decision and what are the reasons for it?
Mr Gayle: This decision is by no means sudden. I have been pondering over it for a month now. It has been occupying my mind every time I hit a ball in the air and it takes ages to come back down. So I have had a lot of time to think about it for the last one week. Politics looks to me a natural career progression for someone in India who is famous. Though Bollywood was tempting, even John Abraham these days is trying to learn how to cry. Which is impossible for me. So I chose politics. Politics will provide me the adulation, the money and most importantly give me something to laugh about every night when I come back home.
But why now?
Mr Gayle: Seeing the number of seats a political rally in Bangalore can fill and the number of seats I can fill at the Chinnaswami, I believe this was the right time to join the fray. I believe I can save the Congress who is trying its best to lose from a winning position here in Karnataka. Maybe my only chance of a victory in the next few years. I had to seize the moment.
And also that young creep Virat was getting on my nerves. Before he pisses me off too much by swearing at me and I lose my Indian fan base by banging up the future Indian captain, I felt it was time to move on.
But why the Congress?
Mr Gayle: Once one has chosen a career path, the next important thing is find the right employer. For a beginner in this field, the Congress policy of a complete lack of policy seems the easiest way to begin. Also the pressure of performance is non existent, even frowned upon. After having to single handedly carry a team and its overweight boss on my broad shoulders, it is a welcome relief.
But what about the Modi phenomenon?
Mr Gayle: As I was saying, by joining the Congress I am under no pressure to go head to head with a leader of that stature. They have Rahul for that. That is, unless they decide to get rid of Mr Vadra and I change my name to Mr Gayle Gandhi. I can easily remain happy making the odd thousand crores here and there while Mr Modi tries to change the country.
How do you think you will manage working under Rahul Gandhi?
Mr Gayle: I believe taking orders from Siddharth Mallya for four years is sufficient experience to tackle the Gandhi scion. Also he had a Columbian girlfriend. I can relate to that.
But what will you do if you lose the next election?
Mr Gayle: Oh I believe I can keep myself occupied by being the official bouncer for the opposition in parliament. It would be just as interesting as hitting Indian medium pacers out of the Chinnaswami. Also I could use my accent to good use as an official spokesperson. They are not supposed to be understood, I believe.
Mr Gayle, where do you see yourself ten years down the line?
Mr Gayle: That is the beauty of the Congress party and another reason why I chose them. Depending on one’s likes and dislikes, there is a role for everyone in the Congress. If I choose to shoot my mouth off, I could be the foreign or the law minister. If I want to be clever and make some good money, I could end up as the finance or telecom minister. If I can stay silent and show no emotion at all, I could be the prime minister of India in no time. The opportunities are endless. Even if I do absolutely nothing, I am at least sure to end up as a Governor or maybe even the President. What else can one ask for?
So, do you not see any loss in this decision you have taken?
Mr Gayle: You mean, the booze, the cheerleaders, and Priyanka Chopra? I think I will manage. Booze and cheergirls I heard are part of politics too these days. As for Priyanka, in true Indian spirit, I intend to keep my personal life personal.
Thank you, Mr Gayle, for being so forthcoming. I am sure the Indian public is looking forward to Chris Gayle, the politician.
Mr Gayle: Cheers!
After such an enlightening interview, Chris Gayle left no doubt that he had taken a very logical and well thought out decision. If only we had more people like him coming forward to lead our country, our country could still save itself from the political bedlam that we have today.
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